We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
