found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
