We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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