I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
