That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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