So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
