So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
