I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
