Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
