dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
