we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
