Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm like, not good at living.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
