3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize