If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
