Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
