My pussy is not your playground.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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