***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
