even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
