She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize