somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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