smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
