this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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