hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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