shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
