I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
