Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize