Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
