woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
