mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize