Ambien. No doubt about it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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