If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
and you fell through a lawn chair
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
