the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
