1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
