Me. At least after what I've been through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
