he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this will be a night to untag.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
