MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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