I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
