we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
