sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
