I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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