I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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