he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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