The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
