battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
