one two three fourrrrnication!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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