I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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