Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're a waste of cheezeits
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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