So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
