I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
