it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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