We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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