3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
