This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
