Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
