I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize