she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
