i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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