You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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