Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
