the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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