He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
