shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
