i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
