i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
