Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize