just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
True strength comes from lack of pants
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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