she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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