So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
