but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
