TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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