Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
