3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
