bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
