last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
