My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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