pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
